Ok. So I think I'm in the proper position for a law student in their third week of school. Each day is a whole new exercise in emotional management: one minute I'm in love with school and the next I'm hyperventilating. Man, I need a yoga class or something.
I'm experimenting with my schedule to maximize efficiency. Right now I'm doing all the reading for all my classes through Wednesday (since those are my heavy days) during the weekend and then doing the reading for Thursday/Friday on Wednesday night. It really worked this week; it's Monday and I have absolutely no reading to do (which turns out also stresses me out cause I think I'm not busy enough -- yes, I'm insane, wtf). This leaves me some time to work on my legal writing class which, like every legal writing class, is way to much way too much work. I can't believe we're already starting on our memo. Ridiculous.
But, now that I think I've finally found a way to get all my reading done, I'm getting super nervous about exams. I know, I know: every single upperclassman/woman has told me I'm ridiculous and a nerd, etc., but I KNOW that all of them were the EXACT same way at the beginning of the first semester. So y'all know that just telling me to calm down won't do a damn bit of good. I feel like I'm supposed to also take time to synthesize all the material and start outlining. Only thing is I have no frickin idea how to do that. Sure I have copies of some outline and many of them seem to be well organized. But since I want to make my own outline I have no idea where to begin. Yes, I have broad headings in my casebook but somehow I feel like everything we've done so far is so disorganized. It's all jumbled in my head and I'm not sure how to apply it all to a fact pattern. Good thing is, so far I think I've actually understood everything we've discussed in class. I know it's the easy stuff now, but since my Civ Pro Prof literally wrote the book on the subject (and, apparently, is on some ranking of most cited profs in the universe) somehow I think it's slightly more complex than normal. But all the understanding in class doesn't make a bit of difference 'cause if I understand that means everyone else does too. Sigh. This gets me to my main problem. I came to law school to learn. I mean, I think no matter what I'll get a good education and graduate with a B average. That in and of itself, I know, is a good accomplishment. But, I absolutely hate that I never wanted to be on Law Review or clerk for a federal judge before I got to school and NOW that's all I can think about. Not because I know it will help me get a job, but b/c I think I really like the law. I'd love to go back to my not-so-glamorous-home-city and clerk for a federal judge there and really learn about the issues affecting my community. And let's face it, most federal judges where I'm from will be looking for that Law Review on my transcript.
Le Sigh.
And I just know that I won't make it. I don't think I'm stupid, but I'm very realistic. There are just too many smart people in law school. I'm still going to try hard and I'm still going to do my very best. It's just sad that I know the best I can hope for is maybe slightly above average. Hopefully that is good enough to get a good job back home. I just wish I had more guidance.
Well, back to the books. Best of luck to all the rest of you.
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5 comments:
I won't tell you to calm down because I *have* been there and I still admit it. You keep doing what you're doing, and you WILL beat the curve. You may even do better than that. Keep at it.
And I never wanted law review until I got there, and then I obsessed about writing on (only the top x kids -- not x% -- graded on and I missed by 3 (damn Contracts). And now I'm on and thinking clerkships for the same reason.
Know you're not alone, and know that your "smart" classmates may not be as prepared for exams. And in the end, its the exams that count.
Hi! This part of your post sounded exactly like something I said 1L year: "But all the understanding in class doesn't make a bit of difference 'cause if I understand that means everyone else does too." Even though I had always been at the top of my class and never doubted my own intelligence, for some reason when I got to UChicago I started thinking all my classmates were smarter than me (or at least as smart). But I learned not to give my classmates too much credit. You got into your school on your own (I'm sure impressive) merits and there will definitely be times when you get something and others feel lost. I guess that's a long way of saying, don't forget how smart you are. I know I did and it took me the whole summer break after 1L year to remember.
As far as outlining goes- it's a totally personal thing. My outlines never looked like anyone else's. I liked them short and succinct. I'd just start with a blank document and go through my notes from page 1 to the end and start culling out important points and putting things together. The outline evolved as I went and as helpful as it was, I think the process of creating my own and thinking of a way to organize all the information is what really made me learn.
This comment is probably too long- your post just reminded me so much of my worries 1L year! Good luck!
Here is my advice:
http://boredlaw.blogspot.com/2007/09/lame-apologies-and-advice.html
As for being happy with a B average, at my school and most law schools, that would place you in the bottom half of the class. Me thinks your new found desires will tend to push you to want more than that.
Stop. Breathe. Here is my advice for 1L's. Take it for what you will. Some of it is a bit unorthodox, but it worked for me (and many others who have gone before you). You can do this!
http://lawschooltransplant.com/2007/08/29/my-two-cents-for-one-ls/
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