So I got my first legal writing memo back today. I was expecting the lowest grade possible (it's graded out of 5), but it turns out I did above the median!! By several points. That's incredible!! I have no idea what the highest score was, but I did much better than I thought. By a lot. I guess this shows how completely arbitrary the whole thing is especially since the comments on the paper were very bad. Watch: now I'll get a horrible grade on the next one. And it's due in oh, a couple of days. It's completely ridiculous. Oh AND a take-home midterm that we just found out about TODAY is due on Monday. I'm not going to get out at all this weekend. :( It's not even a weekend - it's just a normal work day but without classes. Boo.
That said, fall has definitely hit New City. Yay! I absolultely love fall. I don't remember it being this blustery in my last city though. I wonder if that's a New City thing. I hope not because the wind child is going to be ridiculous come winter. Speaking of which, there are only a 6 weeks or so left of class!! that's so scary!!! but that's also good in that the first semester is almost over. i can't wait! I was aiming for an A minus average; now I'm just hoping for straight Bs. Is that enough to get an OK job? I just hope it's all worth it in the end.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Can Law School Induce Bi-Polar disorder?
Cause I think I need some Lithium real fast. As is quite frequently the case, when things seem to be going well life takes a big, sweet turn for the worse. Thursdays and Fridays (well, until 2pm on Fridays) are my most UNCTUOUS days because I have Crim. Law with Professor Scary. I just don't understand anything in that class, no matter how hard I try. Everyone says I shouldn't worry, because our Prof talks about theory way more than we need to be responsible for on the exam, but I really think my mind just doesn't work near anything crim related. My other classes are 234233423 times easier than crim. I already know crim will be my worst grade and have announced it to the class. Some of my sectionmates laughed, but I could see in many of their eyes that they think the same. I guess it makes me less curmudgeonly and more endearing since I'm not a threat. In FACT I'm doing them a service by bringing down the curve. yay.
So I was flying high on Wednesday b/c I felt really productive in 3 class, but man - I don't think I've ever felt so low as I did after class today. Talking to the TA made me feel slightly better and I feel so lucky that he's so willing to help. However, it won't be helpful unless I know what questions to even ASK him but I'm still at the i-don't-know-what-i-don't-know stage. I hate that I'm using outside commercial aides for this class simply b/c I feel like I need to teach it to myself, but I don't know what else to do. I just don't even know how to approach it.
Can I also say that I HATE that all I talk about is law school? I used to be an interesting person, I swear.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
On Citations.
So my legal writing Prof. assigned us an online citations exercise that had 45 problems we needed to figure out. Everyone in my section was complaining about how long and tedious it was, so I decided to hunker down and attempt at least the first couple problems today. I LOVED IT! Not sure if that's a normal reaction, but my classmates made me think it would be hell on earth. I can honestly say these exercises were the most enjoyable part of law school so far. I got to FINALLY familiarize myself with the citations manual and realized that citations aren't the worst thing in the world. I know I don't have a chance in hell in making one of the top journals next year, but if I did I think I'd at least partially enjoy the citations portion of the work. I can't believe I worked on this for 5 hours straight! yay!!
In other news: midterms are coming up. I'm actually excited about this because I'll actually see what my Profs are expecting (esp. good for Torts Prof since he's a visiting Prof this year). I'm just starting to outline Torts and Civ Pro (hoping Ks will happen this weekend). No midterm in Crim, though! That's the class I feel the most lost in (since the Prof LOVES theory), but 2Ls and 3Ls keep saying I should just study the black letter law. This makes sense to me. Just mark-up the MPC really well and contrast it with whatever made-up statutes he gives me on the exam.
Anyway, I'm still liking the idea of law school and I'm so happy that I'm actually learning. Now I just have to see if I can actually apply all of this info (and if I've actually picked up all the minute details). The sad thing is, I know that no matter how much I study there will always be people who know the material better. I guess I just have to learn not to worry about this and embrace whatever I get. I hate that these classes are curved against only my section-mates! I guess that's the curse of having a small section.
Ok, more legal writing stuff to do (open memo has officially begun and this is the stuff I really want to learn well).
Good luck, everyone!
In other news: midterms are coming up. I'm actually excited about this because I'll actually see what my Profs are expecting (esp. good for Torts Prof since he's a visiting Prof this year). I'm just starting to outline Torts and Civ Pro (hoping Ks will happen this weekend). No midterm in Crim, though! That's the class I feel the most lost in (since the Prof LOVES theory), but 2Ls and 3Ls keep saying I should just study the black letter law. This makes sense to me. Just mark-up the MPC really well and contrast it with whatever made-up statutes he gives me on the exam.
Anyway, I'm still liking the idea of law school and I'm so happy that I'm actually learning. Now I just have to see if I can actually apply all of this info (and if I've actually picked up all the minute details). The sad thing is, I know that no matter how much I study there will always be people who know the material better. I guess I just have to learn not to worry about this and embrace whatever I get. I hate that these classes are curved against only my section-mates! I guess that's the curse of having a small section.
Ok, more legal writing stuff to do (open memo has officially begun and this is the stuff I really want to learn well).
Good luck, everyone!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Gulp.
I just turned in my first graded legal memo (our last memo wasn't graded and we just got back a lot of comments - mostly unhelpful). On one hand I'm overwhelmingly relieved b/c I don't have to fight with it anymore. On the other I hate knowing that it was so bad but there was just nothing more I could do. I'm so confused and I've spoken with the Prof and the TA about a billion times with no clarification. I know confusion is good because that's how I'll learn - by mistake - but this is incredible frustrating since it's 25% of my final grade. Apparently everyone starts with bad grades but gets better. BUT, if my "bad grad" is substantially worse than all the other "bad grades" I'll end up with a C b/c there is no curve in this stupid class. ARGH. The thing is I really want to do well in legal writing, not because of the grade, but because I know I'll need to use it a lot of I go into the area of law I'm thinking about. So I'm frustrated that a poor grade will keep me from pursuing some positions (interviewer: um this job requires really good writing skills - yours are shit, goodbye) and also that I seem to be running laps around the dung heap. I genuinely hope I get better at this, but I feel like the bar is raising with each assignment and I don't even have a good handle on the last "easy" assignment.
Now that I've been up all night, I have to go to three classes today and prepare for Crim tomorrow where I've done no reading b/c of the stupid memo. How am I going to make it through this day, let alone week?
Now that I've been up all night, I have to go to three classes today and prepare for Crim tomorrow where I've done no reading b/c of the stupid memo. How am I going to make it through this day, let alone week?
Monday, October 1, 2007
Legal Writing.
My legal writing class makes me want to stab myself in the eye. I know it's an important class to have as most law firms make you do research during the summers. But learning how to write again is so frustrating. I guess it's true that a legal memo is all rule-driven, but some of the comments my prof gave back to me on my first assignment are ridiculous. She'll ask me to do things that I feel that I've clearly already done. I guess that's presumptuous of me. She'll just say that it's a common mistake for new learners of legal writing, but sometimes I think it's just about how much she likes you. Very high school -- like everything else in law school.
My new goal is to get a firm job for next summer before 1st semester grades come out. It's the only strategy I have of getting a good name on my resume. If I wait until 2L summer to work at a firm job my chances will probably be diminished by my soon-to-be very average gpa. My only hope is being hired early and thus the law firm will only have my undergraduate school and record to peruse. a;lskdjf;aslkdjf;aslkjdf;alskjdf;alskjdf
My new goal is to get a firm job for next summer before 1st semester grades come out. It's the only strategy I have of getting a good name on my resume. If I wait until 2L summer to work at a firm job my chances will probably be diminished by my soon-to-be very average gpa. My only hope is being hired early and thus the law firm will only have my undergraduate school and record to peruse. a;lskdjf;aslkdjf;aslkjdf;alskjdf;alskjdf
Monday, September 24, 2007
I am what I am. Nothing more or less.
Sometimes I feel like life is just one dashed hope after another. I know it's pessimistic (and I don't always feel this way), but finally giving into reality just seems like a party of growing up. As children we were undoubtedly encouraged by teachers, parents, friends and mentors alike to strive to be the best that we could be. Ostensibly, we could achieve anything if we just worked hard enough. I don't think there's anything wrong with this instruction; in fact I probably wouldn't be anywhere near where I am now without it. BUT, the longer you stay on this pedestal of ignorant bliss the harder the landing when you finally reach your limit.
I used to play violin. In fact, I don't even remember what life was like before violin really. It was my life for many, many years and even though it took a lot of work I truly enjoyed it. Now, I knew I never was going to become a concert violinist, but at one point in high school I really thought I might be able to at least pursue it as a second major and participate in civic orchestras throughout my life. But at one point (how I got there isn't really important), I just realized that I'd never be good enough. Sure I'd be good enough just to play here and there for fun, but by that point I'd been cursed with a good ear and I couldn't stand my own playing anymore. It was fine when I was younger, because I knew I'd improve. But by the time you reach your young adulthood you realize that you're not really improving anymore and that you actually have reached the limits of your potential. And that was the most devastating realization of my life.
Around the same time, while I was in college, I realized the same thing about my intellectual achievements. Like many of you, I was definitely a good student and went to a good college. I knew I'd never be the top of my undergrad class, but realizing I couldn't even get near top grades in normal classes was depressing. but it wasn't just because the curve was too hard or anything; at one point i realized it was actually because i had reached my intellectual limit. it's hard to describe, because, again, we're taught that if we just work hard enough we can learn anything. but this really isn't the case - there are just some concepts and nuances of any academic subject that i just can't grasp no matter how hard i tried. so, one by one, my goals and dreams for undergrad slowly disappeared. I graduated with honors in my major but I was badly shaken and broken (and I don't think I even realized to what extent this manifested itself until later).
I took a break in the working world and now i'm back in law school pursuing it because i actually want to be a lawyer. not a some partner and a huge firm, but just doing some law that i happen to enjoy. i'm no longer super ambitious, but i do want to feel like, for once in my life, that there were no intellectual limits and no broken dreams. but i think history would say otherwise. law school has been tough but it hasn't been overwhelming. it's a lot of work and some profs are scary, but i definitely think if i keep working like i do i'll be able to get a B or B+ without much more effort. whatever the grades are, i'll be really proud of them because i'll have earned them, but still they represent that i'm still not good enough and that, once again, i have to acknowledge my limitation and accept the consequences of dashed dreams.
i'm sure we all want to return to the idealism of our childhood from time to time, but i still get very emotional every time i listen to one of the last songs i worked on. it can still be an outlet for me, from time to time, but more for the memories it conjures and the potential i felt i had at the time. perhaps it's good to acknowledge your limitations and know your boundaries; but why does it have to be so painful?
langston hughes wrote about a dream deferred. what about a dream forbidden? not by choice, but by heaven's design.
I used to play violin. In fact, I don't even remember what life was like before violin really. It was my life for many, many years and even though it took a lot of work I truly enjoyed it. Now, I knew I never was going to become a concert violinist, but at one point in high school I really thought I might be able to at least pursue it as a second major and participate in civic orchestras throughout my life. But at one point (how I got there isn't really important), I just realized that I'd never be good enough. Sure I'd be good enough just to play here and there for fun, but by that point I'd been cursed with a good ear and I couldn't stand my own playing anymore. It was fine when I was younger, because I knew I'd improve. But by the time you reach your young adulthood you realize that you're not really improving anymore and that you actually have reached the limits of your potential. And that was the most devastating realization of my life.
Around the same time, while I was in college, I realized the same thing about my intellectual achievements. Like many of you, I was definitely a good student and went to a good college. I knew I'd never be the top of my undergrad class, but realizing I couldn't even get near top grades in normal classes was depressing. but it wasn't just because the curve was too hard or anything; at one point i realized it was actually because i had reached my intellectual limit. it's hard to describe, because, again, we're taught that if we just work hard enough we can learn anything. but this really isn't the case - there are just some concepts and nuances of any academic subject that i just can't grasp no matter how hard i tried. so, one by one, my goals and dreams for undergrad slowly disappeared. I graduated with honors in my major but I was badly shaken and broken (and I don't think I even realized to what extent this manifested itself until later).
I took a break in the working world and now i'm back in law school pursuing it because i actually want to be a lawyer. not a some partner and a huge firm, but just doing some law that i happen to enjoy. i'm no longer super ambitious, but i do want to feel like, for once in my life, that there were no intellectual limits and no broken dreams. but i think history would say otherwise. law school has been tough but it hasn't been overwhelming. it's a lot of work and some profs are scary, but i definitely think if i keep working like i do i'll be able to get a B or B+ without much more effort. whatever the grades are, i'll be really proud of them because i'll have earned them, but still they represent that i'm still not good enough and that, once again, i have to acknowledge my limitation and accept the consequences of dashed dreams.
i'm sure we all want to return to the idealism of our childhood from time to time, but i still get very emotional every time i listen to one of the last songs i worked on. it can still be an outlet for me, from time to time, but more for the memories it conjures and the potential i felt i had at the time. perhaps it's good to acknowledge your limitations and know your boundaries; but why does it have to be so painful?
langston hughes wrote about a dream deferred. what about a dream forbidden? not by choice, but by heaven's design.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Le Sigh times 1000000
Ok. So I think I'm in the proper position for a law student in their third week of school. Each day is a whole new exercise in emotional management: one minute I'm in love with school and the next I'm hyperventilating. Man, I need a yoga class or something.
I'm experimenting with my schedule to maximize efficiency. Right now I'm doing all the reading for all my classes through Wednesday (since those are my heavy days) during the weekend and then doing the reading for Thursday/Friday on Wednesday night. It really worked this week; it's Monday and I have absolutely no reading to do (which turns out also stresses me out cause I think I'm not busy enough -- yes, I'm insane, wtf). This leaves me some time to work on my legal writing class which, like every legal writing class, is way to much way too much work. I can't believe we're already starting on our memo. Ridiculous.
But, now that I think I've finally found a way to get all my reading done, I'm getting super nervous about exams. I know, I know: every single upperclassman/woman has told me I'm ridiculous and a nerd, etc., but I KNOW that all of them were the EXACT same way at the beginning of the first semester. So y'all know that just telling me to calm down won't do a damn bit of good. I feel like I'm supposed to also take time to synthesize all the material and start outlining. Only thing is I have no frickin idea how to do that. Sure I have copies of some outline and many of them seem to be well organized. But since I want to make my own outline I have no idea where to begin. Yes, I have broad headings in my casebook but somehow I feel like everything we've done so far is so disorganized. It's all jumbled in my head and I'm not sure how to apply it all to a fact pattern. Good thing is, so far I think I've actually understood everything we've discussed in class. I know it's the easy stuff now, but since my Civ Pro Prof literally wrote the book on the subject (and, apparently, is on some ranking of most cited profs in the universe) somehow I think it's slightly more complex than normal. But all the understanding in class doesn't make a bit of difference 'cause if I understand that means everyone else does too. Sigh. This gets me to my main problem. I came to law school to learn. I mean, I think no matter what I'll get a good education and graduate with a B average. That in and of itself, I know, is a good accomplishment. But, I absolutely hate that I never wanted to be on Law Review or clerk for a federal judge before I got to school and NOW that's all I can think about. Not because I know it will help me get a job, but b/c I think I really like the law. I'd love to go back to my not-so-glamorous-home-city and clerk for a federal judge there and really learn about the issues affecting my community. And let's face it, most federal judges where I'm from will be looking for that Law Review on my transcript.
Le Sigh.
And I just know that I won't make it. I don't think I'm stupid, but I'm very realistic. There are just too many smart people in law school. I'm still going to try hard and I'm still going to do my very best. It's just sad that I know the best I can hope for is maybe slightly above average. Hopefully that is good enough to get a good job back home. I just wish I had more guidance.
Well, back to the books. Best of luck to all the rest of you.
I'm experimenting with my schedule to maximize efficiency. Right now I'm doing all the reading for all my classes through Wednesday (since those are my heavy days) during the weekend and then doing the reading for Thursday/Friday on Wednesday night. It really worked this week; it's Monday and I have absolutely no reading to do (which turns out also stresses me out cause I think I'm not busy enough -- yes, I'm insane, wtf). This leaves me some time to work on my legal writing class which, like every legal writing class, is way to much way too much work. I can't believe we're already starting on our memo. Ridiculous.
But, now that I think I've finally found a way to get all my reading done, I'm getting super nervous about exams. I know, I know: every single upperclassman/woman has told me I'm ridiculous and a nerd, etc., but I KNOW that all of them were the EXACT same way at the beginning of the first semester. So y'all know that just telling me to calm down won't do a damn bit of good. I feel like I'm supposed to also take time to synthesize all the material and start outlining. Only thing is I have no frickin idea how to do that. Sure I have copies of some outline and many of them seem to be well organized. But since I want to make my own outline I have no idea where to begin. Yes, I have broad headings in my casebook but somehow I feel like everything we've done so far is so disorganized. It's all jumbled in my head and I'm not sure how to apply it all to a fact pattern. Good thing is, so far I think I've actually understood everything we've discussed in class. I know it's the easy stuff now, but since my Civ Pro Prof literally wrote the book on the subject (and, apparently, is on some ranking of most cited profs in the universe) somehow I think it's slightly more complex than normal. But all the understanding in class doesn't make a bit of difference 'cause if I understand that means everyone else does too. Sigh. This gets me to my main problem. I came to law school to learn. I mean, I think no matter what I'll get a good education and graduate with a B average. That in and of itself, I know, is a good accomplishment. But, I absolutely hate that I never wanted to be on Law Review or clerk for a federal judge before I got to school and NOW that's all I can think about. Not because I know it will help me get a job, but b/c I think I really like the law. I'd love to go back to my not-so-glamorous-home-city and clerk for a federal judge there and really learn about the issues affecting my community. And let's face it, most federal judges where I'm from will be looking for that Law Review on my transcript.
Le Sigh.
And I just know that I won't make it. I don't think I'm stupid, but I'm very realistic. There are just too many smart people in law school. I'm still going to try hard and I'm still going to do my very best. It's just sad that I know the best I can hope for is maybe slightly above average. Hopefully that is good enough to get a good job back home. I just wish I had more guidance.
Well, back to the books. Best of luck to all the rest of you.
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